Meeting: Ledeing A Subsection

With subsections of stories, you want to lede with the end result first, just like with a lede.

What some of you did, though, was lede a subsection with something like, something was discussed, and then ended the subsection with the end result, like the board approved the plan.

What you wanted to do was start the subsection with, something was approved by the board, and then detailed what the proposal was and what discussions took place.

So let's look at a hypothetical subsection done right, and wrong. First, the wrong:

In other business, the board discussed creationism vs. evolution in textbooks. The current books feature evolution.

"The current books suck. I didn't come from no monkey," said parent Omar Sofradzija.

Said parent Lindsay Lohan: "Thaat's scientific fact. Omar is an idiot."

In the end, the board voted 10-0 to keep the current books.

Now, the right way to do it:

In other business, the board voted 10-0 to keep current textbooks that teach evolution. Some parents had argued for a switch to the teaching of creationism.


"The current books suck. I didn't come from no monkey," said parent Omar Sofradzija.


Said parent Lindsay Lohan: "That's scientific fact. Omar is an idiot."


See the difference? In the latter version, we know right away at the start of the subsection what was the end result. Just like a lede. Think of subsections as mini-stories, and look for the mini-story lede to go to end result and ultimate outcome.

Meeting: Transitional Phrases

In stories where you have multiple sub-issues, like a meeting story, it's helpful to have a new subsection started with a transitional phrase, like

In other business, the board ...

Also, the board ...

In other news ...

Also at the meeting ...

Also approved (or rejected) was ...

Such transitional phrases help clearly delineate when reporting on one matter ends and another begins.

Meeting: Ledeing A Subsection

With subsections of stories, you want to lede with the end result first, just like with a lede.

What some of you did, though, was lede a subsection with something like, something was discussed, and then ended the subsection with the end result, like the board approved the plan.

What you wanted to do was start the subsection with, something was approved by the board, and then detailed what the proposal was and what discussions took place.

So let's look at a hypothetical subsection done right, and wrong. First, the wrong:

In other business, the board discussed creationism vs. evolution in textbooks. The current books feature evolution.

"The current books suck. I didn't come from no monkey," said parent Omar Sofradzija.

Said parent Lindsay Lohan: "Thaat's scientific fact. Omar is an idiot."

In the end, the board voted 10-0 to keep the current books.

Now, the right way to do it:

In other business, the board voted 10-0 to keep current textbooks that teach evolution. Some parents had argued for a switch to the teaching of creationism.


"The current books suck. I didn't come from no monkey," said parent Omar Sofradzija.


Said parent Lindsay Lohan: "That's scientific fact. Omar is an idiot."


See the difference? In the latter version, we know right away at the start of the subsection what was the end result. Just like a lede. Think of subsections as mini-stories, and look for the mini-story lede to go to end result and ultimate outcome.

Meeting: Transitional Phrases

In stories where you have multiple sub-issues, like a meeting story, it's helpful to have a new subsection started with a transitional phrase, like

In other business, the board ...

Also, the board ...

In other news ...

Also at the meeting ...

Also approved (or rejected) was ...

Such transitional phrases help clearly delineate when reporting on one matter ends and another begins.

JRN 200: The Body Of A News Story

The most basic story structures are very specific in style yet simple in design. So let's look an imaginary story done in a basic news style, starting with what you already know -- the lede:

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

The lede is usually followed by what is called the nut graf. The role of that paragraph is to elaborate and expand upon the details of the lede.

Consider the general identifiers posed in the lede: an unnamed instructor, an unnamed school, an unspecified big-money lottery ect. Try to follow up on those generalities with specifics in the nut graf, like this:

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

In journalism, we try to keep paragraphs fairly short -- usually limited to one main point or idea per graf, and/or one or two sentences per graf. In this case, I thought the nut graf was running a bit long, so I split it into two grafs.

We try to keep paragraphs short and specific for two big reasons: one, to make it easy for the reader to identify key points and specific quotes and such; and two, to make it easy for editors to do the same so they can more quickly edit the story by easily finding what may be worth emphasis or cutting out.

The point after the nut graf is a great place to consider putting in a telling quote; something that goes to the heart of the story's theme or context or ultimate meaning. Something like this:

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

At this point, the lede/nut graf/key quote package creates sort of a mini-story. In the same way the lede gives you the bare minimum of what you need to know about the story, this grouping of grafs gives readers the minimum amount of information AND supporting detail and evidence.

From this point on, you have a couple of options: you can add more supporting facts and quotes, in descending order of importance. This is called the inverted pyramid style of story organization. You start with the most important piece of background, then the next most important, and so on. Like with short paragraphs, it allows for faster reading and editing. Like this:

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

Notice how pieces of telling information are paired up with quotes supporting, amplifying and humanizing that raw data. It's not necessary that every graf of info is followed by a related quote, but it does help in reinforcing the points that are made throughout a story.

Also, please note attribution is liberally used throughout the story, in every graf after the lede. That's for the benefit of readers, who get to see exactly where you get each bit of information that supports the original claim you make in your lede. Not only are you transparent, but you essentially rely on the expertise of your sources by citing them, building your credibility.

Another approach is to offer a chronological telling, looking at things from the start. It's important that you weigh the facts you have and the context of the story to decide if an inverted pyramid, chronology or some other method best tells the story. Like this:

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

And that's it. Notice how the story seems to end sort of abruptly. Looks weird, right? Well, in journalism that's okay is your story lacks what writers call a satisfying ending. Why is this okay? Because you already have an ending: your lede.

Now that we looked at these two structures in pieces, let's put it all together and look at the pieces as stories. First, the inverted pyramid:

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

*****

Now, the chronological style:

*****

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

Now, which is the best structure to use: inverted pyramid or chronology? Again, it depends on what best tells the story.

If you're writing about something complex where impact and meaning doesn't necessarily happen in sequence -- like a tuition increase or comparing on-campus and off-campus housing -- then structuring things based on an analyzed importance may be the way to go.

But of the story you're looking into naturally and dramatically unfolds in order -- like a bank robbery or 9/11 -- then a chronology probably works best.

A lot of it depends on what kind of facts you dig up while reporting. Note in each approach, some facts get greater or lesser emphasis, and some facts get entirely left out. You should think about which approach best uses the most important, relevant, interesting and useful facts. Whichever does is probably the highest and best approach to take.

Let me be clear, though: these are NOT the only two story structure options you have. As you've read in the book and probably noticed in your newspaper readings, there are endless ways to write ledes and detail nut grafs and add quotes and cascade facts throughout a story.

You're first and foremost looking for the best way to tell a story, based on what makes meaning and context and accuracy clear and easy to follow.

These are just two basic ways to do that. Master this, and then start practicing other ways.

Meeting: Transitional Phrases

In stories where you have multiple subissues, like a meeting story, it's helpful to have a new subsection started with a transitional prhase, like

In other business, the board ...

Also, the board ...

In other news ...

Also at the meeting ...

Also approved (or rejected) ...

Such transitional phrases help clearly delineate when reporting on one matter ends and another begins.

Body of a Story: Two Basic Structures

The most basic story structures are very specific in style yet simple in design. So let's look an imaginary story done in a basic news style, starting with what you already know -- the lede:

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

The lede is usually followed by what is called the nut graf. The role of that paragraph is to elaborate and expand upon the details of the lede.

Consider the general identifiers posed in the lede: an unnamed instructor, an unnamed school, an unspecified big-money lottery ect. Try to follow up on those generalities with specifics in the nut graf, like this:

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

In journalism, we try to keep paragraphs fairly short -- usually limited to one main point or idea per graf, and/or one or two sentences per graf. In this case, I thought the nut graf was running a bit long, so I split it into two grafs.

We try to keep paragraphs short and specific for two big reasons: one, to make it easy for the reader to identify key points and specific quotes and such; and two, to make it easy for editors to do the same so they can more quickly edit the story by easily finding what may be worth emphasis or cutting out.

The point after the nut graf is a great place to consider putting in a telling quote; something that goes to the heart of the story's theme or context or ultimate meaning. Something like this:

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

At this point, the lede/nut graf/key quote package creates sort of a mini-story. In the same way the lede gives you the bare minimum of what you need to know about the story, this grouping of grafs gives readers the minimum amount of information AND supporting detail and evidence.

From this point on, you have a couple of options: you can add more supporting facts and quotes, in descending order of importance. This is called the inverted pyramid style of story organization. You start with the most important piece of background, then the next most important, and so on. Like with short paragraphs, it allows for faster reading and editing. Like this:

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

Notice how pieces of telling information are paired up with quotes supporting, amplifying and humanizing that raw data. It's not necessary that every graf of info is followed by a related quote, but it does help in reinforcing the points that are made throughout a story.

Also, please note attribution is liberally used throughout the story, in every graf after the lede. That's for the benefit of readers, who get to see exactly where you get each bit of information that supports the original claim you make in your lede. Not only are you transparent, but you essentially rely on the expertise of your sources by citing them, building your credibility.

Another approach is to offer a chronological telling, looking at things from the start. It's important that you weigh the facts you have and the context of the story to decide if an inverted pyramid, chronology or some other method best tells the story. Like this:

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

And that's it. Notice how the story seems to end sort of abruptly. Looks weird, right? Well, in journalism that's okay is your story lacks what writers call a satisfying ending. Why is this okay? Because you already have an ending: your lede.

Now that we looked at these two structures in pieces, let's put it all together and look at the pieces as stories. First, the inverted pyramid:

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

*****

Now, the chronological style:

*****

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

Now, which is the best structure to use: inverted pyramid or chronology? Again, it depends on what best tells the story.

If you're writing about something complex where impact and meaning doesn't necessarily happen in sequence -- like a tuition increase or comparing on-campus and off-campus housing -- then structuring things based on an analyzed importance may be the way to go.

But of the story you're looking into naturally and dramatically unfolds in order -- like a bank robbery or 9/11 -- then a chronology probably works best.

A lot of it depends on what kind of facts you dig up while reporting. Note in each approach, some facts get greater or lesser emphasis, and some facts get entirely left out. You should think about which approach best uses the most important, relevant, interesting and useful facts. Whichever does is probably the highest and best approach to take.

Let me be clear, though: these are NOT the only two story structure options you have. As you've read in the book and probably noticed in your newspaper readings, there are endless ways to write ledes and detail nut grafs and add quotes and cascade facts throughout a story.

You're first and foremost looking for the best way to tell a story, based on what makes meaning and context and accuracy clear and easy to follow.

These are just two basic ways to do that. Master this, and then start practicing other ways.

Test Story #3 -- An Overview

Seems like all the video stuff made you a bit rusty on your writing. Let's go over some patterns I saw that I feel can be improved upon:

The news isn't that things were discussed; it's what was done or not done. Too many ledes or section starts defaulted to things were discussed. That's not the news, right?

This was a lede that went in that direction:

The Happyland County Commission met yesterday afternoon, addressing several items within the county, both economic and social.

The problem here is that the news isn't that the commission addressed items; it's what the items were that were addressed. From this lede, you don't know if they gave out ribbons to old ladies or declared war on Russia. It's too vague. This next lede was better in that regard:

The Happyland County Commission met yesterday afternoon to discuss a new condominium development, purchasing pistols, their salary, and to honor two girls who saved a child from the water.

You do identify what the issues were, but it still falls short of ultimate outcome and end result; that being what actions they took regarding these issues: they approved a new condominium development, considered new gun restrictions, rejected increasing their salaries. You did note that they honored the girls.

Plus, it wasn't necessary that you include every element in your lede. A big part of journalism is deciding what is most newsworthy, and ranking that news accordingly (or even excluding things if you feel the newsworthiness was limited or simply not there).

This lede zeroed in on a single topic:

The Happyland County Commission met today and approved plans for a luxury condominium development on Elkhart Lake.

And that's fine. I'm not saying the development was necessarily the lede item; I think valid arguments could be made for any of the items being the most interesting, relevant and/or useful. Readers don't need us to summarize a whole meeting; they could probably Google an agenda themselves. What they need journalists for is to make sense of the news and tell them what matters most.

So don't be afraid to make decisions, based on the evidence and what may impact or interest readers the most.

One lede took ultimate outcome beyond the meeting. Remember the gun restriction decision was pushed to the next meeting? Well, this was one of your ledes:

The Happyland County Commission promised to consider a proposal requesting a three-day wait before a pistol, could be bought, after Sheriff Gus DiCesare suggested it at yesterday's commission meeting.

This is what I call a forward-looking lede; one that goes beyond what happened at an event, and is centered in what that means going forward, or what action is next as a result. When we talk about ultimate outcome, the outcome isn't that the board talked about it; it's that the board will talk about it some more. That's the latest and newest news.

Rank items based on importance, not sequence. Many of you ranked items in the order in which they were discussed. If that was a coincidence, that's okay. But in covering public meetings you should rank items based on what is most interesting/relevant/useful to your readers.

So, for a meeting story the order should be the most important topic, followed by the next most important, then the third, and so on. It should not be based on what was discussed first, then second, then third.

Label transitions to subsections. When ending reporting on one item and beginning another item, use transitional tags at the start of a subsection lede like, "In other business," or "Also at the meeting," so readers can see the transition point clearly.

Subsections should start with a lede. Many would start a subsection with something like, the commission discussed this-and-that, and then end the subsection with, the commission approved this-and-that.

A subsection should almost be like a mini-story in that the subsection -- like a single story -- should be topped by ultimate outcome. So in a subsection, you should be starting with, in other business, the commission approved this-and-that, and then offer the discussion as background.

Translate technical terms. Like, what is Planned Unit Development rezoning? Do you know? If not, how would you expect readers to know? If you do know, is there an easier way to describe what it means to rezone form agricultural to PUD? One of you did do that, by simply noting the board "plans to rezone the land to allow for construction" of condos on traditional farmland?

Fact-checking includes checking for AP Style. I don't still have to remind you of that, do I?

So, while on first reference you have a name and title (King Omar Sofradzija) on second reference you drop the first name AND the title (just, Sofradzija).

And punctuation still goes INSIDE the quote (like "this," and "this.") and NOT outside (it's wrong to do "this", or "this".)

Don't freak out. Oddly enough, looking at blog posts from the past two semesters after the third out-of-class story, those classes had the EXACT SAME PROBLEMS with this assignment. Literally. I just had to cut-and-paste most problem areas and update the exact examples with your work.

BTW, the last class I taught had the best overall grades of any class I taught. So if this class follows suit, this exercise can be put under the category of lessons successfully learned.

Speech -- Is This Fair?

This was one of your transitions:

Izzo's anger and frustrations with the alcohol industry was apparent throughout his speech.

It was closely followed with these quotes:

"The availability of alcohol and its acceptance, even glamorization, in our society are factors," he said. "Trick or treat. This year the alcohol industry has given new meaning to those innocent words of childhood."

"They (the alcohol industry) are serving up now treats -- and new tricks."

"The alcohol industry and its hired guns, the advertising agencies, know these facts," he said. (They have) chosen to be part of the problem, it is up to you to be part of the solution."

What do you think?

Murder -- Say Something!

This was one of your transitions:

Cortez, a bookkeeper at the Okemos inn for seven years, recalls her last interaction with her victim, Kevin Blohm.

The graf tells me the key point here is that she spoke. But that's not the news; the news is what she said, right?

Think back to the football story situation we often talked about at the start of this semester. The news from a football game isn't that a game was played; it's what happened at the game; who won or lost, and why.

So instead of saying he recalled the last interaction, I'd write what she said that last interaction was; e.g., Cortez said she and Blohm talked about what happened at the restaurant the previous night before she asked him to make her some coffee.

See the difference? You tell your readers something now.

Controversial: Transition strong

Watch offering empty sentences that say nothing, especially in transitions. Like with ledes, transitions should identify what is important, relevant or interesting to people.

Here was a weak transition:

One of the four male members of last year's team, Jacob Stevens, spoke at the school board meeting. Stevens sounded off about the unfairness of the male players being banned from the sport.

"Spoke at the school board meeting" essentially says nothing. Why not remove that passage and merge the two sentences, like this:

One of the four male members of last year's team, Jacob Stevens, sounded off about the unfairness of the male players being banned from the sport.

See?