Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Controversial: Transition strong

Watch offering empty sentences that say nothing, especially in transitions. Like with ledes, transitions should identify what is important, relevant or interesting to people.

Here was a weak transition:

One of the four male members of last year's team, Jacob Stevens, spoke at the school board meeting. Stevens sounded off about the unfairness of the male players being banned from the sport.

"Spoke at the school board meeting" essentially says nothing. Why not remove that passage and merge the two sentences, like this:

One of the four male members of last year's team, Jacob Stevens, sounded off about the unfairness of the male players being banned from the sport.

See?

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