Thursday, September 23, 2010

No Bonus Points For Big Words

Use simple language. That's what reporters try to do, right? So, was the language here as simple as it could have been?

Cynthia Lowrie was arrested today and charged with grand theft and defrauding an adoption agency, falsely claiming that she was pregnant in order to receive a cash compensation for her medical bills.

"Cash compensation"? Couldn't you just say "money"?

Speaking of wordiness, is "that" necessary? Does the removal of "that" change meaning and sentence structure at all?

Often, you don't need "that."

And make sure you use the best word possible. I'm not sure you did here:

Mayor Datoli is responding to local businessman's concerns about vagrants deteriorating the integrity of the city . . .

Uh, whaa? Plain English, please?

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