Body Of A Story -- Two Basic Structures

The most basic story structures are very specific in style yet simple in design. So let's look an imaginary story done in a basic news style, starting with what you already know -- the lede:

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

The lede is usually followed by what is called the nut graf. The role of that paragraph is to elaborate and expand upon the details of the lede.

Consider the general identifiers posed in the lede: an unnamed instructor, an unnamed school, an unspecified big-money lottery ect. Try to follow up on those generalities with specifics in the nut graf, like this:

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

In journalism, we try to keep paragraphs fairly short -- usually limited to one main point or idea per graf, and/or one or two sentences per graf. In this case, I thought the nut graf was running a bit long, so I split it into two grafs.

We try to keep paragraphs short and specific for two big reasons: one, to make it easy for the reader to identify key points and specific quotes and such; and two, to make it easy for editors to do the same so they can more quickly edit the story by easily finding what may be worth emphasis or cutting out.

The point after the nut graf is a great place to consider putting in a telling quote; something that goes to the heart of the story's theme or context or ultimate meaning. Something like this:

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

At this point, the lede/nut graf/key quote package creates sort of a mini-story. In the same way the lede gives you the bare minimum of what you need to know about the story, this grouping of grafs gives readers the minimum amount of information AND supporting detail and evidence.

From this point on, you have a couple of options: you can add more supporting facts and quotes, in descending order of importance. This is called the inverted pyramid style of story organization. You start with the most important piece of background, then the next most important, and so on. Like with short paragraphs, it allows for faster reading and editing. Like this:

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

Notice how pieces of telling information are paired up with quotes supporting, amplifying and humanizing that raw data. It's not necessary that every graf of info is followed by a related quote, but it does help in reinforcing the points that are made throughout a story.

Also, please note attribution is liberally used throughout the story, in every graf after the lede. That's for the benefit of readers, who get to see exactly where you get each bit of information that supports the original claim you make in your lede. Not only are you transparent, but you essentially rely on the expertise of your sources by citing them, building your credibility.

Another approach is to offer a chronological telling, looking at things from the start. It's important that you weigh the facts you have and the context of the story to decide if an inverted pyramid, chronology or some other method best tells the story. Like this:

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

And that's it. Notice how the story seems to end sort of abruptly. Looks weird, right? Well, in journalism that's okay is your story lacks what writers call a satisfying ending. Why is this okay? Because you already have an ending: your lede.

Now that we looked at these two structures in pieces, let's put it all together and look at the pieces as stories. First, the inverted pyramid:

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

*****

Now, the chronological style:

*****

School was canceled forever today after a 42-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

Now, which is the best structure to use: inverted pyramid or chronology? Again, it depends on what best tells the story.

If you're writing about something complex where impact and meaning doesn't necessarily happen in sequence -- like a tuition increase or comparing on-campus and off-campus housing -- then structuring things based on an analyzed importance may be the way to go.

But of the story you're looking into naturally and dramatically unfolds in order -- like a bank robbery or 9/11 -- then a chronology probably works best.

A lot of it depends on what kind of facts you dig up while reporting. Note in each approach, some facts get greater or lesser emphasis, and some facts get entirely left out. You should think about which approach best uses the most important, relevant, interesting and useful facts. Whichever does is probably the highest and best approach to take.

Let me be clear, though: these are NOT the only two story structure options you have. As you've read in the book and probably noticed in your newspaper readings, there are endless ways to write ledes and detail nut grafs and add quotes and cascade facts throughout a story.

You're first and foremost looking for the best way to tell a story, based on what makes meaning and context and accuracy clear and easy to follow.

These are just two basic ways to do that. Master this, and then start practicing other ways.

Ledes -- Some Nice Work

I'm happy to say I think everybody did very well on this first practice story assignment. Lots of good ledes and accurate identification of main story points and good word choice in deciding how to best start your stories. Many of the ledes scored at 3.0 or above.

Now, let's look at a few, and you tell me what you think. First, car crash ledes:

Speeding to get to his wedding this morning, a man was killed in a car accident occurring a half-mile away from the church.

That one pretty much says everything that's most important. This one lays out details:

A 22-year-old man died this morning on the way to his wedding when he lost control of his vehicle, which smashed into two trees and a fence.

This one I think could have been a bit better:

While driving to his wedding this morning, a 22-year-old man was killed after he swerved to avoid a large dog and hit two trees and a fence.

Instead of using the generic "driving," I might have taken the opportunity to replace it with the more telling" speeding," like this (italics mine):

While speeding to his wedding this morning, a 22-year-old man was killed after he swerved to avoid a large dog and hit two trees and a fence.

See how finding a better word adds facts without adding more words?

Now, fingerprint fee ledes. This one is simple and to the point:

A new fee of $25 will be charged by the police to criminals at their arrest for mug shot and fingerprint services.

This next one is just as practical and useful:

East Lansing's jail will now charge anyone arrested a $25 fee if the police take their mugshots and fingerprints.

This next one builds upon those a bit, by not only saying what the city is doing, but offering an explanation as to why:

In an effort to combat the city's financial crisis, police officials today unveiled a new policy that will charge criminals $25 for fingerprints and mug shots.

This one does the same:

In an effort to slash expenses, city officials enacted a new fee Monday that makes individuals pay out-of-pocket for getting arrested.

Finally, football criminal ledes. This first one sums things up nicely:

A male student charged with armed robbery continues to play for Colonial High School's football team despite being under house arrest.

So does this one:

A football player at Colonial High School was allowed to play Saturday while under house arrest for armed robbery.

.. and this one, too ...

A 16-year-old Colonial High School student is still allowed to play on the school football team even though he remains on house arrest for armed robbery.

This next one offers a bit more detail; how it came to be known that the high school was hiding this secret:

A local detective was surprised Saturday when Colonial High School allowed a juvenile charged with armed robbery and under house arrest to play football.

And this last one offers a bit of color, painting the mental image of a high school football player in pads, helmet and electronic monitoring bracelet:

A youth charged with armed robbery, currently under house arrest, participated in a high school football game last Saturday despite having an electronic bracelet attached to his ankle.

These are all good ledes, but as journalists we look to offer the best lede. Which ones do you think worked best, and why?

Ledes -- We Had Some Fatals

One of the less desirable parts of journalism is that fatals happen. When you process thousands of facts a day -- as you will when you work professionally, whether in print or broadcast or online or whatever -- something is bound to get past you.

The key is to learn from why you effed something up, and then applying those lessons going forward, so that when you do make a boo-boo, it truly is a rare circumstance.

So the two fatals we had in this assignment are not screw-ups; rather, they are learning opportunities. Especially for you guys, who have not been doing this for very long and have yet to recognize all the potential land mines out there.

If you fataled this assignment, don't feel bad. First, practice stories are just 1/2 of 1 percent of your final grade. We do a lot of 'em so we can identify where you need improvement and so you have a chance to work on things and buidl up a good fact-checking routine before we do the high-weight assignments.

Second, virtually everybody I've ever taught in JRN 200 has fataled. More than once. Especially in the first half of the semester. Many of those people went on to stellar final grades and kick-ass internships and even a few Emmy awards. Seriously.

So, don't freak out. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, let's look at what we can learn from:

One fatal lede was this one:

An ex-juvenile's participation ...

Let's stop right there. This is the exercise regarding the high school football player under house arrest. Is he an ex-juvenile delinquent? No, he is a juvenile delinquent. The "ex" is not correct and changes the fact to one that is in error.

This was another lede on the same exercise:

A high school student who was convicted of armed robbery ...

You had no information indicating he was convicted; only charged. You are charged when you are formally accused of a crime. You are convicted when you are then found guilty by a judge or jury.

Yes, it's legal mumbo-jumbo. But if you are unsure about what a term means or whether you are using terminology correctly, your best bet is to ask a knowing source so that you are sure you are saying what you mean to say, and that you understand what you are writing.

In the case of all in-class assignments, you may consider me to be all knowing sources and translator of all things technical. So don't be afraid to tap into me for that purpose.

There were a couple of other examples where I considered grading a fatal but decided there was just enough leeway to allow a positive grade.

In one instance, you said that jailbirds would be charged a $25 fine. Actually, it's a fee. In the most technical sense, a fine is a penalty assessed to convicts and a fee is a charge assessed to people who are arrested, whether they have been convicted yet or not. You could also make an argument that this is hair-splitting and fines and fees are assessed to people in the generic sense, so I let this pass.

Again, make sure you are using the correct words correctly.

Ledes -- They Still Had The Wedding?

This lede said something that technically wasn't true:

Just fifteen minutes before his wedding, a man was killed in a car accident this morning.

What is technically untrue is this: you said it was fifteen minutes before the wedding. Which implies the wedding took place. Which I assume it didn't, since the groom was dead.

What you meant to say was this (italics mine):

Just fifteen minutes before he was to wed, a man was killed in a car accident this morning.

Watch your words. Be precise and use exactly the words you mean to use. Be sure you say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Ledes -- Too Much Or Just Right?

One lede went like this:

A devastating car accident this morning left a 22-year-old man dead, just minutes before his wedding.

Good lede. But is "devastating" a bit too much? I went back-and-forth a bit on this one, and I think it may be.

Think about car accidents. Unfortunately, they happen all the time. That frequency means that calling any one accident "devastating" risks the boy-who-cried-wolf effect, where all accidents are devastating and readers start to tune out the description through overuse.

You may argue -- and with some merit -0- that the nature of the accident made it uniquely emotionally devastating, in that it happened minutes before the deceased was to be wed. But in that case I feel an adjective would be better put in conjunction with the wedding, along the lines of something like this:

A car accident this morning left a 22-year-old man dead, tragically just minutes before his wedding.

I'm not saying your approach was wrong. I'm just not sure it's the best approach. What do you guys think?

Ledes -- Word Order Can Shorten Your Ledes

One lede started like this:

The financial crisis of East Lansing has led city officials to ...

Instead of "the financial crisis of Easy Lansing," why not reorder that phrase to say "East Lansing's financial crisis" and ditch the "the" and "of"?

You end up saying the exact same thing, but much more efficiently. See if you can use word order to shorten phrases and sentences and be economical with how many words you have to use.

Ledes -- Watch Unnecessary Words

Watch for words that are not necessary. Like in this lede segment:

... has led city officials to declare the assessment of a $25 fee ...

I'd argue you could simply change it to this ...

... has led city officials to assess a $25 fee ...

... and ditch "declare the" and "of" and the "ment" off "assessment" and you lose nothing. After all, the news isn't that city officials are declaring anything; it's that they're assessing something. The declaration is simply how they're letting people know of the assessment.

Likewise, I think this lede section is one word too heavy:

... a man was killed in a car accident occurring a half-mile away from the church.

Let's take out "occurring" and "away." Now we have this:

... a man was killed in a car accident a half-mile from the church.

Does the reader lose any meaning and context? Or do they just lose two words, freeing you up to maybe add some more meaningful facts elsewhere in the lede?

Look for redundant and unnecessary words, and leave them out.

Ledes -- Peanut Barrel Rule

Think about what makes the car crash story unique. Think about what makes it stand out. Or what makes it memorable, or worth talking about. Does this lede represent those factors?

Scott Forsythe was the only person killed in a car accident this morning while going 100 mph and swerving to miss a dog before crashing into a fence.

I'd say no. What made this car crash singular and different from other car crashes was that the man was speeding to get to his own wedding when he died.

Think Peanut Barrel rule here: would you just tell your friends that you wrote a story about a fatal car accident? Or that you wrote a story about a guy who died on the way to his wedding?

Don't forget the Peanut Barrel rule, which I will reiterate here:

Imagine you work at The State News, and after writing your story one night you head over to the Peanut Barrel to meet some friends who don't work at The State News and don't care about journalism. They ask you what you wrote about that night. What is the first thing you tell them? What sums up your story in a sentence or two?

That's usually some form of your best lede angle.

Ledes -- Do You Need A Name?

In your ledes, some of you referred to the car accident victim specifically -- Scott Forsythe -- while others referred to him in the generic -- 22-year-old local man, or something to that effect.

While neither is wrong, I'd say the latter is the best approach. You have no reason to believe Forsythe is someone that would be known by name to your readers. In such cases, the generic identifier would suffice in a first reference, and you can offer the specific name as a secondary detail later in the story.

Now, if the victim was Oprah Winfrey, the name would be a good bet for the lede, precisely because she is someone many people would instantly recognize by name.

Ledes -- Who's Getting Married?

Word order can seriously impact the meaning of what you write. Like here:

A local 22-year-old was killed when he lost control of his vehicle while trying to avoid a dog on the way to his wedding.

So, who was on his way to his wedding: the 22-year-old or the dog? Literally read what you wrote here: " ... a dog on his way to his wedding."

Yes, readers can assume you meant the person. But we're not in the assumption business; we're in the make-things-crystal-clear biz.

Now, why was this not a fatal? I can't say this was a factual error, just confusing and prone to misinterpretation.

To be more clear, I might have changed the word order to this (caps mine):

A local 22-year-old was killed ON THE WAY TO HIS WEDDING when he lost control of his vehicle while trying to avoid a dog.

See how the reordered sentence eliminates any chance for confusion?

Make sure that you aren't saying something you don't intend to say.

Ledes -- Who, what, WHEN, where, why?

What's wrong with this lede?

A man died in a car accident near the church where he was to be married.

Think about what's critical in a story -- and a lede -- via the five W's. We know who (a man), what (he died), where (near the church where he was to wed) and why (car crash).

What we're messing is WHEN -- today!

Not always will you have all five W's in a lede. Burt in this one, I'd argue as something that just happened, the "when" is central to it being news.

Don't forget your five W's, and be sure to include the ones that are central to why a particular story is news.