Monday, May 23, 2011

Ledes -- Watch Unnecessary Words

Watch for words that are not necessary. Like in this lede segment:

... has led city officials to declare the assessment of a $25 fee ...

I'd argue you could simply change it to this ...

... has led city officials to assess a $25 fee ...

... and ditch "declare the" and "of" and the "ment" off "assessment" and you lose nothing. After all, the news isn't that city officials are declaring anything; it's that they're assessing something. The declaration is simply how they're letting people know of the assessment.

Likewise, I think this lede section is one word too heavy:

... a man was killed in a car accident occurring a half-mile away from the church.
Bold

Let's take out "occurring" and "away." Now we have this:

... a man was killed in a car accident a half-mile from the church.

Does the reader lose any meaning and context? Or do they just lose two words, freeing you up to maybe add some more meaningful facts elsewhere in the lede?

Look for redundant and unnecessary words, and leave them out.

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