911: Quotes

A big part of this story -- if not the central focus of this story -- was the little girl's bravery. And you had some telling quotes in the 911 transcript, like these:

Somebody's hurting my mommy.

Hurry. My mommy's crying.

My mommy. What'll happen to my mommy?

I'm afraid. Will he hurt me, too?

Great quotes. They're telling. They set context in a special way -- they sound like things you'd imagine a 6-year-old girl would say, right?

Yet some of you didn't use any quotes in your articles!

We've talked about the concept of showing and not just telling readers; that is, don't just tell them something happened; show them the proof.

Those quotes are the "show" part. Don't be afraid to use quotes that support and prove your key points.

Also, the quotes also humanize the story. It's not the dry legal jargon of a crime taking place; it's the quivering voice of a scared little girl. It emphasizes people, and when it comes down to it, all stories are not crime stories or business stories or political stories; they are all people stories -- stories about what happened to people, or what people did, or what may affect people.

Let the humanity shine through in your stories, when possible. Such quotes aren't necessary, but they do help.

Meeting: Good Example Of A School Board Story

Note the to-the-point lede and the strong nut graf and telling quotes tight grafs and ranking of information in order of importance and newsworthiness. Here we go:

 

The Grand Ledge school board voted to keep using the same biology textbooks in Grand Ledge schools last night despite complaints from citizens that the books do not teach creationism.

After a lively public hearing that about 100 people attended, the board voted 6-3 to continue using the current textbooks.

“We’ve seen your biology books,” Grand Ledge parent Claire Sawyer said. “I don’t want my children using them. They never mention the theory of creationism.”

The debate went back and forth among members of the public in attendance.

“Evolution isn’t a theory,” Grand Ledge parent Harley Euon said. “It’s a proven fact. Creationism is a religious idea, not even a scientific theory. People here are trying to force schools to teach our children their religion.”

After the vote in favor of the current textbooks, the board said they encourage parents to discuss the matter of creationism versus evolution in their individual homes. 

In other discussion, the board opted to continue remedial summer classes for one more year, but to examine whether the remedial classes are worth their cost.

The classes, which the board said cost about $2.1 million, are set to stay for at least one more year after a 7-2 vote.

The classes are only used by about 900 students each summer, according to board member Umberto Vacante.

“If we’re going to spend that kind of money, I think we should use it to help and reward our most talented students,” Vacante said. “They’re the ones we ignore. We could offer special programs for them.”

Superintendent Greg Hubbard disagreed with Vacante’s assessment.

“Some of these summer students have learning disabilities and emotional problems, and they really need the help,” Hubbard said. “This would hurt them terribly. Without it, they might never graduate.”

In budget discussions, the board announced that $9.3 million of the $618.7 million in next year’s budget will be spent on the construction of a new elementary school on West Madison Avenue. 

The school will be completed and open in two years, the board said.

The board said teachers and administrators are set to receive wage increases of 4.5 percent and six percent, respectively.

Meeting: Good Example Of A Commission Story

The Ingham County Commission approved of a luxury condominium development and discussed new protocol for the purchase a gun, among other things at the 2 p.m. meeting on Sunday afternoon.

            The commission voted 5-2 to approve plans for a luxury condominium development on Elkhart Lake.

            The property is owned by the Roswell Development Corporation. The company’s spokesman, Carlos Rey, said that the company plans to build a series of 10-story buildings containing a total of 715 units overlooking the lake.

            “[The] estimated selling price of a unit will be $250,000 and upwards, perhaps to top $750,000 for the larger penthouse units,” Rey said.

            Rey said that the development will have it’s own water and sewage systems. Additionally, Rey said that his company will donate $600,000 to purchase a ladder fire truck capable of reaching the top of a 10-story building.

            The condominiums will be promoted as a vacation and recreational center.

            Another issue that was discussed during the meeting was a proposed 72-hour waiting period before the purchase of a gun in Ingham County.

            Sheriff Gus DiCesare said, “There are a lot of cases where people went out and bought a gun with criminal intent and used it right away … We want a cooling off period.”

            Under the proposed ordinance, a customer would have to provide personal information to the dealer and then wait 72 hours before picking up the pistol, said DiCesare.

            He also said that this would speed the identification of the owner of a pistol if found at a crime scene.

            A majority of the commissioners said that they would favor such a proposal but want more information and possibly to hold a public hearing for the citizens. The proposal will be seriously discussed and considered at the next meeting.

            Next, the commissioners rejected a proposed pay raise on a 4-3 vote. The commissioners’ salary will remain at $51,000.

            Additionally, the commission honored and presented plaques to two 15-year-old girls, Doreen Nicholls and Pamela DeZinno.

The girls were honored for saving a young child’s life when she fell from a boat. The girls dove into the river and pulled her out. Nicholls proceeded to administer CPR while DeZinno called for help.          

Speech: What's New Is The News!

The news, of course, isn't just that someone spoke; it's what they spoke about. In that sense, the following lede is correct but lacking:


U.S. Surgeon General Tom Izzo spoke at a Michigan PTA convention in East Lansing yesterday.


This next lede does that, but it still falls a bit short:

U.S. Surgeon General Tom Izzo spoke at a Michigan PTA convention in East Lansing yesterday about the issue of alcohol consumption among adolescents.

The problem here is you don't know what he said about alcohol consumption. Did he say he thought it was bad or great? That he thought it was awful? Or that he encourages all kids to get blotto?

You simply don't know based on what you offer. This next lede was much clearer:

U.S. Surgeon General Tom Izzo criticized the alcohol industry for targeting Halloween as their latest marketing opportunity at the Michigan PTA convention in East Lansing yesterday.

Note how it doesn't just say Izzo spoke about the alcohol industry; it says he criticized it. Correctly finding and using such a word to describe the contents of what he said is teh difference between a vague lede and an exact one.

Finally, just for the hell of it, let's look at what I thought was a very nice lede/nut graf/telling quote combo:

U.S. Surgeon General Tom Izzo delivered a passionate speech condemning the alcohol industry’s target of the traditional children’s holiday, Halloween, at the Michigan Parent Teacher Association meeting in East Lansing last night.

In the speech, Izzo shared his concern of the alcohol industry’s festive marketing techniques this year and how it’s association with Halloween is promoting dangerous alcohol consumption among youth.

“This year the alcohol industry has given new meaning to those innocent words of childhood. They are serving up new treats –and new tricks,” said Izzo.

So much to like here. First, a specific lede that I think fairly uses the work passionate. That word isn't based on your opinion; rather, it's based on your viewing his words in whole through conventional wisdom and factual basis. His argument had an edge to it, right? So, you're not offering an opinion, but an analysis.

That's the difference. An opinion is based on your feelings. Analysis is based on your reasonable interpretation of facts.

Second, the nut graf expands upon the lede. The lede says Izzo condemned the alcohol industry; the nut graf says how and why -- because of its marketing that promotes kids drinking.

Finally, you bring things full circle with your telling quote, so that readers don't have to take your word for it that Izzo was passionate and condemning -- you show the reader Izzo's words.

Speech: A Good Quote

This one was:

"Let us not make this year, the year they robbed the kids of Halloween," Izzo said. "For their sake and our own, let us keep Halloween sane, safe -- and sober."

Telling quote. It really got to the point of what many of you hooked your stories upon.

Then why did some of us use it so late in our stories?

The better a quote and the more it directly supports your central premise of key premises of your story, the more prominent and higher up that quote should be.

Many of you ended your stories with a great quote, like this one. I get the feeling that you're trying to create what in writing is called a satisfying ending; one that offers a conclusion.

In traditional English composition, such a conclusion is necessary. In journalism, since we start with the conclusion it is not. On most regular straight news stories, it's completely fine to simply let the story trail off, even if it seems like the ending is abrupt.

If you're writing in inverted pyramid style, you rank information in the order of importance, so your story should essentially trail off. If you're writing a chronology, you can stop writing just short of the conclusion since your reader will already know how things ended; they learned that in the lede.

The notable exception would be if you were writing some sort of feature narrative, which we really don't get into in this class. So, nyah.

Speech: Punctuation And Quotes

Still having some serious problems on punctuation and capitalization around quotes.

When a quote ends a sentence, followed by attribution, then the end of the quote gets a comma -- even if the quote was the source's spoken word -- and the attribution which follows is lower-case.

So if I say this:

"You guys rock."

Then this is how it should read:

"You guys rock," Omar said.

And this is NOT how it should read:

"You guys rock." Said Omar.

Also, general journalistic practice is to simply say said, even repeatedly and without having to come up with a different word for "said." I know it looks weird, having graf after graf with he said and she said and whomever said, but in journalism we just use said over and over and over again.

No matter how much I've been marking up people's papers with copy-editing symbols noting how it should be, it seems like the same mistakes are being made over and over.

Please made sure you are reading your returned papers and following my copy-editing marks as translated by the handout you got during the first few days of class.

Sleep: Overall,Great! (But Some Fatals, Too)

I'm very, very happy to say the "sleep" assignment may have been the best overall assignment of the year for this class. Lotsa grades in the 3.0 range -- half the class scored a 3.5 or above! -- lotsa strong ledes, lotsa on-point nut grafs, good use of quotes, all that.

Still some issues, though. First, two people did not turn in the assignment. The worst thing we can do in journalism -- even worse than getting a fatal -- is to blow off an assignment. A newspaper can't go to print with blank spots in the pages, and a 30-minute newscast can't to to air without content that fills up all 30 minutes. That means in the media business, you can never miss a deadline.

And yes, assignments that are not done will have a much more severe impact on your final grade than fatals will, and if I have to use a tie-breaker in determining your final grade, the first categories I will be unexcused absences and tardies and whether you blew off any assignments, since those things tell me how seriously you are taking this class.

The more you tell me you are unreliable as a journalist by skipping assignments and not showing up without a valid excuse, the more I will recognize that in your final grade. I can work with you if you give me an assignment that's not up to snuff -- and so can an editor in a real-world setting -- but I can't work with nothing, and I can't work with you if you're not here. Neither can your future bosses.

Second, let's make sure we're using proper attribution. In most stories, after the lede and nut graf each paragraph should have some sort of attribution. And in a single-source story like this one, it wouldn't hurt for every graf, period, to have attribution.

Third, let's make sure in attribution, we're just using said. You don't have to say so-and-so explained or so-and-so remarked or so-and-so says or whatever. Just say so-and-so said, every time.

Fourth, remember that if you are adding attribution after a quote, the quote ends with a comma, then he closed quote mark, then said in lower case, like this: "You guys are awesome," said Omar Sofradzija.

Fifth, there is no need to start or end a sentence with ellipses, since what is actually being quoted by you is uninterrupted.

What I mean is, if you're using this quote ...

"And so I think I am going to kill Mickey Mouse and I want him to die."

... and I just want to use the part that says, "I think I am going to kill Mickey Mouse," then my quote does NOT need any ellipses, and will look like this ...

"I think I am going to kill Mickey Mouse."

... and NOT this ...

"... I think I am going to kill Mickey Mouse ..."

... or this ...

"I think I am going to kill Mickey Mouse ..."

... or even this ...

"... I think I am going to kill Mickey Mouse."

Why no ellipses? Because the quote fragment you use is uninterrupted and in context. We use ellipses when we take something out of the middle of a quote we're using. Not the beginning or end.

Sixth, let's remember that in a first reference we use both a first and last name,but in subsequent references we use just the last name.That means the first time you refer to Diana Gant as just that, but from then on it's just Gant.

Seventh, let's remember to avoid using first-person references outside of quotes, like we or us or me. Using first-person references go against the idea that journalists are neutral observers. If we are just observing and outside of the news story, then there can't be a we or us or I.

Instead, use more specific descriptors. For example, if Gant is talking about how people can sleep better, say just that: people, not we.

Moving on; unfortunately, we also had some fatals.

In two cases, we spelled the last name of the professor, Diana Gant, as Grant, with an "r" in there.

This is an instance where it's possible spell check actually inserted an error into our work. How?

Well, gant is not a word in the dictionary. So if we ran spell check, it probably would have told you to change it to grant, which is a word. If we weren't really paying attention in running spell check and we simply agreed with all recommended changes, then this sort of thing could have resulted.

I know I've said it a million times, but here I go again: spell check is a supplement to -- but never a substitute for -- checking a story fact by fact, name by name and line by line.

There's no short-cuts to this, folks.

Missing: Uh, Well ...

Some of you used quotes where the interview subject stammered. Like here:

"So, uh, I met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young, but I, uh, got him to change his mind."

You may find the information to be useful, but the "uh's" are awkward. You have options on how to handle this.

First, you can translate the quotes into paraphrases, like this:

She said she met a man who was moving to New York City who didn't want to take her because she was too young, but she convinced him to change his mind.

Or, you could use quote fragments to work around the "um's" like this:

She said she "met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young," but she "got him to change his mind."

Having a poorly-constructed quote doesn't mean you have to use a poorly-constructed quote. Our goal is to provide clarity to the reader, and the best way to do that is via a quote so the reader can see the subject's actual words.

But in lieu of that, making sure the information is clear and concise will suffice, as long as it's contextually correct and factually accurate and properly attributed.

Squirrels: Show Me, Don't Just Tell Me

Many of you were very light in offering quotes. Why?

Quotes are good. Quotes allow us to elaborate on things and to put a human voice in the conversation and to give readers the confidence that they're not just taking your word for it; there's somebody else saying something to support what you're claiming.

Look at the way a quote graf helps support and build upon the first graf in this sequence:

After pulling into a gas station to get help, Kasparov said the attendant found a nest containing three baby squirrels under Kasparov's hood.

"The attendant put up the hood and then jumped back exclaiming, 'My God, what have you got in there?'" Kasparov said.

The first graf tells your readers, based on your summarization of events. The second graf shows your readers, via the direct words of a direct participant.

Don't just tell readers. Show them.

Murder: Did You Need Quotes ...

. . . here?

"He was about 5 feet 10, maybe 6 feet tall, in his early 20s, medium build," Cortez said, adding he was wearing "blue jeans, a blue plaid-button-up shirt, and blue tennis shoes."

"He had a scarf, a floral scarf, tied around the lower part of his face, cowboy style. It covered the bottom half of his face," she said.There really isn't any difference between quoting this or paraphrasing this. As a quote, it really doesn't add a more human tone or voice than it would as a paraphrase.

If a quote is dull, technical or lacks a human-sounding voice, you're probably better off just paraphrasing the person, like this:

The suspect was between 5-feet-10-inches and 6-feet tall, in his early 20s and with a medium build, Cortez said, adding he was wearing blue jeans, a blue plaid-button-up shirt, and blue tennis shoes.

He had a floral scarf tied around the lower part of his face, cowboy style, that covered the bottom half of his face, she said.

Controversial: Good Story Structure

Let's take a look at this lede/but graf/body grouping.

The East Lansing School Board unanimously voted Tuesday night to ban boys from playing on girls' teams, after concerns were raised that male athletes could pose a hazard for female players.

The policy, which will take effect immediately, was implemented after four boys made the East Lansing High School girls' field hockey team. Many teams from opposing schools forfeited their games in order to avoid the possibility of their players being injured by the male athletes.

After receiving complaints in home and away districts, school board member Jane Tribitt said she decided it was time for a policy change.

"The boys are just too big and physical and it intimidates the girls on the team," Tribitt said. "It is a matter of safety."

Senior Jacob Stevens, who played on the field hockey team, said he thinks the policy is unfair and while he was on the team, none of the girls complained about his presence, he said.

East Lansing High School Athletic Director Hugh Baker said he believes the policy will hurt the school's athletics program, because the school would have to forfeit games against teams with male players due to safety concerns.

"It would be unfair to force our field hockey team to have a losing record every year because it has to forfeit all those games," Baker said.

East Lansing resident Sandra Adler, who has a daughter on the field hockey team, is in favor of the new policy.

"I just don't think it's healthy mentally or physically to have the boys and girls playing on the same team," Adler said.

First, you have a nice lede that says what happened (boys were banned), when it happened (Tuesday), who did the decision making (the board) and who is going to be affected (boys), and why it was made (safety concerns).

 Then the nut graf expands on that: it says exactly when the decision takes effect (immediately), and exactly why it was made (after four boys were on the team, and it forced other schools to forfeit games).

It mines a second layer of supporting info that is helpful for the reader to have to make sense of what happened.

Then, once the lede and nut graf is established, you get into the he-said and she-said and quotes and the supporting evidence that lays down what your lede concluded and your nut graf expanded upon.

You start with getting a paraphrase from a board member -- a decision-maker on this issue -- on why she voted yes; then you pair it with a related quote.

Then, you get an opposing viewpoint -- that from an affected player -- and pair that with a related quote.

Then, you get the perspective of someone caught in the middle -- the athletic director, who opposes the policy but is responsible for enforcing it -- followed by a related quote.  

Then, you wrap it up with an outside but relevant viewpoint; that of a parent of a athlete. And you also pair it with a related quote.

So you have a lede that meets the Peanut Barrel rule; a nut graf that helps expand on the lede and provide a pivot into the greater story; and then information sets in descending order of criticality to the story, each paired with quotes.

What do you think of the job done here?

JRN 200: The Body Of A News Story

The most basic story structures are very specific in style yet simple in design. So let's look an imaginary story done in a basic news style, starting with what you already know -- the lede:

School was canceled forever today after a 43-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

The lede is usually followed by what is called the nut graf. The role of that paragraph is to elaborate and expand upon the details of the lede.

Consider the general identifiers posed in the lede: an unnamed instructor, an unnamed school, an unspecified big-money lottery ect. Try to follow up on those generalities with specifics in the nut graf, like this:

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

In journalism, we try to keep paragraphs fairly short -- usually limited to one main point or idea per graf, and/or one or two sentences per graf. In this case, I thought the nut graf was running a bit long, so I split it into two grafs.

We try to keep paragraphs short and specific for two big reasons: one, to make it easy for the reader to identify key points and specific quotes and such; and two, to make it easy for editors to do the same so they can more quickly edit the story by easily finding what may be worth emphasis or cutting out.

The point after the nut graf is a great place to consider putting in a telling quote; something that goes to the heart of the story's theme or context or ultimate meaning. Something like this:

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

At this point, the lede/nut graf/key quote package creates sort of a mini-story. In the same way the lede gives you the bare minimum of what you need to know about the story, this grouping of grafs gives readers the minimum amount of information AND supporting detail and evidence.

From this point on, you have a couple of options: you can add more supporting facts and quotes, in descending order of importance. This is called the inverted pyramid style of story organization. You start with the most important piece of background, then the next most important, and so on. Like with short paragraphs, it allows for faster reading and editing. Like this:

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

Notice how pieces of telling information are paired up with quotes supporting, amplifying and humanizing that raw data. It's not necessary that every graf of info is followed by a related quote, but it does help in reinforcing the points that are made throughout a story.

Also, please note attribution is liberally used throughout the story, in every graf after the lede. That's for the benefit of readers, who get to see exactly where you get each bit of information that supports the original claim you make in your lede. Not only are you transparent, but you essentially rely on the expertise of your sources by citing them, building your credibility.

Another approach is to offer a chronological telling, looking at things from the start. It's important that you weigh the facts you have and the context of the story to decide if an inverted pyramid, chronology or some other method best tells the story. Like this:

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

And that's it. Notice how the story seems to end sort of abruptly. Looks weird, right? Well, in journalism that's okay is your story lacks what writers call a satisfying ending. Why is this okay? Because you already have an ending: your lede.

Now that we looked at these two structures in pieces, let's put it all together and look at the pieces as stories. First, the inverted pyramid:

School was canceled forever today after a 43-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

*****

Now, the chronological style:

*****

School was canceled forever today after a 43-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

Now, which is the best structure to use: inverted pyramid or chronology? Again, it depends on what best tells the story.

If you're writing about something complex where impact and meaning doesn't necessarily happen in sequence -- like a tuition increase or comparing on-campus and off-campus housing -- then structuring things based on an analyzed importance may be the way to go.

But of the story you're looking into naturally and dramatically unfolds in order -- like a bank robbery or 9/11 -- then a chronology probably works best.

A lot of it depends on what kind of facts you dig up while reporting. Note in each approach, some facts get greater or lesser emphasis, and some facts get entirely left out. You should think about which approach best uses the most important, relevant, interesting and useful facts. Whichever does is probably the highest and best approach to take.

Let me be clear, though: these are NOT the only two story structure options you have. As you've read in the book and probably noticed in your newspaper readings, there are endless ways to write ledes and detail nut grafs and add quotes and cascade facts throughout a story.

You're first and foremost looking for the best way to tell a story, based on what makes meaning and context and accuracy clear and easy to follow.

These are just two basic ways to do that. Master this, and then start practicing other ways.

911: Quotes

A big part of this story -- if not the central focus of this story -- was the little girl's bravery. And you had some telling quotes in the 911 transcript, like these:

Somebody's hurting my mommy.

Hurry. My mommy's crying.

My mommy. What'll happen to my mommy?

I'm afraid. Will he hurt me, too?

Great quotes. They're telling. They set context in a special way -- they sound like things you'd imagine a 6-year-old girl would say, right?

Yet some of you didn't use any quotes in your articles!

We've talked about the concept of showing and not just telling readers; that is, don't just tell them something happened; show them the proof.

Those quotes are the "show" part. Don't be afraid to use quotes that support and prove your key points.

Also, the quotes also humanize the story. It's not the dry legal jargon of a crime taking place; it's the quivering voice of a scared little girl. It emphasizes people, and when it comes down to it, all stories are not crime stories or business stories or political stories; they are all people stories -- stories about what happened to people, or what people did, or what may affect people.

Let the humanity shine through in your stories, when possible. Such quotes aren't necessary, but they do help.

Speech: Good Quote

This one was:

"Let us not make this year, the year they robbed the kids of Halloween," Izzo said. "For their sake and our own, let us keep Halloween sane, safe -- and sober."

Telling quote. It really got to the point of what many of you hooked your stories upon.

Then why did so many of you use it late in your stories?

The better a quote and the more it directly supports your central premise of key premises of your story, the more prominent and higher up that quote should be.

Many of you ended your stories with a great quote, like this one. I get the feeling that you're trying to create what in writing is called a satisfying ending; one that offers a conclusion.

In traditional English composition, such a conclusion is necessary. In journalism, since we start with the conclusion it is not. On most regular straight news stories, it's completely fine to simply let the story trail off, even if it seems like the ending is abrupt.

If you're writing in inverted pyramid style, you rank information in the order of importance, so your story should essentially trail off. If you're writing a chronology, you can stop writing just short of the conclusion since your reader will already know how things ended; they learned that in the lede.

The notable exception would be if you were writing some sort of feature narrative, which we really don't get into in this class. So, nyah.

Speech: No First-Person!

In journalism, we do not use first-person references outside of quotes.

That means if you are writing about problems facing our youths, you need to take out the "our" and either leave it unfilled or replace it with something that's non-first-personish, like the nation's youths.

Using first-person references betray our standing as unbiased observers with no personal stake in the outcome.

Our, we, I ... if not in a quote, take it out.

Speech: Punctuation and Quotes

Still having some serious problems on punctuation and capitalization around quotes.

When a quote ends a sentence, followed by attribution, then the end of the quote gets a comma -- even if the quote was the source's spoken word -- and the attribution which follows is lower-case.

So if I say this:

"You guys rock."

Then this is how it should read:

"You guys rock," Omar said.

And this is NOT how it should read:

"You guys rock." Said Omar.

Also, general journalistic practice is to simply say said, even repeatedly and without having to come up with a different word for "said." I know it looks weird, having graf after graf with he said and she said and whomever said, but in journalism we just use said over and over and over again.

No matter how much I've been marking up people's papers with copy-editing symbols noting how it should be, it seems like the same mistakes are being made over and over.

Please made sure you are reading your returned papers and following my copy-editing marks as translated by the handout you got during the first few days of class.

Attribution: Quoes Within A Quote

When you have a quote, you use the traditional quotation symbols (" and ") to signify the quote itself.

But what if you have a quote within a quote? That is a quote where the subject is also quoting someone else?

For the quote within a quote, you use single quotation marks (' and ').

This is what it looks like, in actual use:

"My dad told me, 'Americans suffer under the illusion that everything can be cured by passing a new law.' My dad with right, of course. Most things can't be solved by a new law," Karpov said.

See? So remember, a quote gets the traditional double quotation marks; a quote within a quote is offset with single quotation marks.

Attribution Quiz: Paraphrases vs. Quotes

Many of you stumbled on this example:

"People think we make $3 million or $5 million a year." They don't realize most athletes make only $500,000, the ballplayer said.

What some of you did was change the second part of that statement into a quote. But it was not a quote. It was a paraphrase. Turning it into a quote was inaccurate. What you should have done was package a quote and paraphrase together, along something like these lines:

"People think we make $3 million or $5 million a year" and don't realize most athletes make only $500,000, the ballplayer said.
Be sure not to confuse quotes with paraphrases.

Plus, DO NOT change the literal words within a quote, meaning anything that can change the meaning of a quote. For example, you can't change "gotta" to "got to," because it changes what was literally said.

Quotes are the literal truth within our stories, and you can't change the truth. But you can change paraphrases, as long as it is still contextually correct.

Missing: Did You ...

. . . use Sabrina Diaz's last name?

Why? Didn't you promise her that you would not?

If you didn't use her last name, did you tell readers WHY you weren't?

In our "Elements of Journalism" lectures, we talked about being transparent with readers. Part of that transparency includes telling readers why we aren't fully identifying somebody.

You really needed a disclaimer like . . .

. . . said Sabrina, who spoke on the condition that her last name not be used.

Missing: Uh, Well ...

Some of you used quotes where the interview subject stammered. Like here:

"So, uh, I met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young, but I, uh, got him to change his mind."

You may find the information to be useful, but the "uh's" are awkward. You have options on how to handle this.

First, you can translate the quotes into paraphrases, like this:

She said she met a man who was moving to New York City who didn't want to take her because she was too young, but she convinced him to change his mind.

Or, you could use quote fragments to work around the "um's" like this:

She said she "met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young," but she "got him to change his mind."

Having a poorly-constructed quote doesn't mean you have to use a poorly-constructed quote. Our goal is to provide clarity to the reader, and the best way to do that is via a quote so the reader can see the subject's actual words.

But in lieu of that, making sure the information is clear and concise will suffice, as long as it's contextually correct and factually accurate and properly attributed.