Meeting: Good Example Of A School Board Story

Note the to-the-point lede and the strong nut graf and telling quotes tight grafs and ranking of information in order of importance and newsworthiness. Here we go:

 

The Grand Ledge school board voted to keep using the same biology textbooks in Grand Ledge schools last night despite complaints from citizens that the books do not teach creationism.

After a lively public hearing that about 100 people attended, the board voted 6-3 to continue using the current textbooks.

“We’ve seen your biology books,” Grand Ledge parent Claire Sawyer said. “I don’t want my children using them. They never mention the theory of creationism.”

The debate went back and forth among members of the public in attendance.

“Evolution isn’t a theory,” Grand Ledge parent Harley Euon said. “It’s a proven fact. Creationism is a religious idea, not even a scientific theory. People here are trying to force schools to teach our children their religion.”

After the vote in favor of the current textbooks, the board said they encourage parents to discuss the matter of creationism versus evolution in their individual homes. 

In other discussion, the board opted to continue remedial summer classes for one more year, but to examine whether the remedial classes are worth their cost.

The classes, which the board said cost about $2.1 million, are set to stay for at least one more year after a 7-2 vote.

The classes are only used by about 900 students each summer, according to board member Umberto Vacante.

“If we’re going to spend that kind of money, I think we should use it to help and reward our most talented students,” Vacante said. “They’re the ones we ignore. We could offer special programs for them.”

Superintendent Greg Hubbard disagreed with Vacante’s assessment.

“Some of these summer students have learning disabilities and emotional problems, and they really need the help,” Hubbard said. “This would hurt them terribly. Without it, they might never graduate.”

In budget discussions, the board announced that $9.3 million of the $618.7 million in next year’s budget will be spent on the construction of a new elementary school on West Madison Avenue. 

The school will be completed and open in two years, the board said.

The board said teachers and administrators are set to receive wage increases of 4.5 percent and six percent, respectively.

Meeting: Good Example Of A Commission Story

The Ingham County Commission approved of a luxury condominium development and discussed new protocol for the purchase a gun, among other things at the 2 p.m. meeting on Sunday afternoon.

            The commission voted 5-2 to approve plans for a luxury condominium development on Elkhart Lake.

            The property is owned by the Roswell Development Corporation. The company’s spokesman, Carlos Rey, said that the company plans to build a series of 10-story buildings containing a total of 715 units overlooking the lake.

            “[The] estimated selling price of a unit will be $250,000 and upwards, perhaps to top $750,000 for the larger penthouse units,” Rey said.

            Rey said that the development will have it’s own water and sewage systems. Additionally, Rey said that his company will donate $600,000 to purchase a ladder fire truck capable of reaching the top of a 10-story building.

            The condominiums will be promoted as a vacation and recreational center.

            Another issue that was discussed during the meeting was a proposed 72-hour waiting period before the purchase of a gun in Ingham County.

            Sheriff Gus DiCesare said, “There are a lot of cases where people went out and bought a gun with criminal intent and used it right away … We want a cooling off period.”

            Under the proposed ordinance, a customer would have to provide personal information to the dealer and then wait 72 hours before picking up the pistol, said DiCesare.

            He also said that this would speed the identification of the owner of a pistol if found at a crime scene.

            A majority of the commissioners said that they would favor such a proposal but want more information and possibly to hold a public hearing for the citizens. The proposal will be seriously discussed and considered at the next meeting.

            Next, the commissioners rejected a proposed pay raise on a 4-3 vote. The commissioners’ salary will remain at $51,000.

            Additionally, the commission honored and presented plaques to two 15-year-old girls, Doreen Nicholls and Pamela DeZinno.

The girls were honored for saving a young child’s life when she fell from a boat. The girls dove into the river and pulled her out. Nicholls proceeded to administer CPR while DeZinno called for help.          

Speech: A Good Example

Just a nice example of a good lede, good attribution, and a good sprinkling of facts and quotes.

Halloween used to be about costumes and candy, but kids are now being tricked to associate the holiday with a new treat — alcohol.

            Yesterday, just days before Halloween, Surgeon General Tom Izzo spoke at a PTA convention in East Lansing about how alcohol has bombarded Halloween.

            “Halloween and hops do not mix,” Izzo said.

            Izzo said the wide acceptance of alcohol could be part of the reasoning behind why young people drink.

            Izzo said according to the National Coalition on Television Violence, the average American child sees 75,000 drinking scenes on television before the age of 18.

            “Alcohol is the number one substance abuse problem among America’s youth,” Izzo said. “In fact, it is the only drug whose use has not been declining, according to our most recent National High School Senior Survey.”

            Izzo said according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, currently 4.6 million teens have a drinking problem.

            Izzo said alcohol affects most organs, and can be contributed to diseases such as hypertension and cancer of the esophagus.

            “Let us not make this year the year they robbed the kids of Halloween,” Izzo said. “For their sake and our own, let us keep Halloween sane, safe — and sober.”

           

Squirrels: Ledes I Liked

A good number of good grades on this assignment. Good job, folks!

Additionally, you guys took different lede/nut graf approaches, offering a sampling of different ways to do the story. Here's a few examples. This first one was a basic lede/nut graf that did the job well. The lede summed up the problem; the nut graf detailed the consequences, and then you launch into the individual examples of squirrel-insipred woe:

         Lansing Community College officials are blaming squirrels for a recent run of car damage across campus.

 
          Students, teachers and staff members have faced repair bills amounting to hundreds of dollars after squirrels began nesting in their cars.


Here, you did an anecdotal lede that took several grafs before getting to the nut graf:

           For the past few weeks, Oliver Brookes couldn’t figure out why one headlight on his van refused to work.

           Despite having it replaced, the associate professor of English at Lansing Community College said he had continual problems with the headlight in his van. When he opened up the hood to poke around, he was greeted by more than just wires and machinery.

            “There was a big squirrel’s nest in the corner where the light wires were,” he said.

            Lately, squirrels have been causing quite the hassle for many LCC students and staff members by finding refuge under the hoods of cars.

In these next two, you had some fun with word play with fun alternate ledes followed by more to-the-point nut grafs:

         Nutty car problems have been occurring for the student body and faculty members of Lansing Community College this past school year.

          University officials have determined that squirrels are to blame for the issues students, teachers and staff members have been experiencing with their vehicles.

... and ... 

                  Problems with your car? A furry friend may be the cause.

                  College officials at Lansing Community College are blaming squirrels for car problems being had by students, teachers, and staff members. 

... and ...  

             Students, teachers, and staff members at Lansing Community College are going nuts courtesy of many problems caused by a familiar animal: the common squirrel.

             Officials at LCC are blaming squirrels for an influx of car problems affecting individuals who work at and attend the institution.

And these silly ledes are okay. Why? Because this is a silly story. It's not because of your writing preference; it's because the tone is true to the facts. And the facts are unexpected and weird and yes, silly.

As long as you let the facts dictate the tone, then you're doing it based not on opinion but on factual context.

Each of these ledes is a good, solid lede. But which ones do you think worked best? And why?

With each of these lede/nut graf sequences, the writers followed by offering the fact/quote sequences that we talked about earlier. So does this story -- which I will show you in its complete form -- that starts with an alternative lede, then goes to two nut grafs, then launches into the compartmentalized individual examples. This is a good structure which to aspire to:

       In Lansing, there is a new addition to the squirrel’s diet — electrical wires.

       The squirrels on Lansing Community College’s campus have been making homes and feeding on the electrical wires in cars on campus.

       The damage from the squirrels is costing students and staff money to replace ruined wires.

       LCC dietitian Linda Kasparov said an attendant at a service station found a squirrel’s nest as the cause of broken a oil-pressure gauge, speedometer and headlights on Kasparov’s car.

        “The attendant put up the hood and then jumped back exclaiming, ‘My God, what have you got in there!’” Kasparov said.

       Kasparov said the attendant found three baby squirrels in a nest built of string, sticks and plastic bags. 

       Kasparov said the damage cost her more than $400.

       Laura Ruffenboch, a wildlife professor at LCC, said the soybean-based insulation on many electrical wires may be appealing to the squirrels.

        Ruffenboch said squirrels building nests in a car which is used regularly is an uncommon phenomenon.

       Oliver Brookes, an associate professor of English at LCC, also said he found a squirrel’s nest under the hood of his car.

       “There was a big squirrels nest in the corner where the light wires were,” Brookes said.

       Brookes said the squirrels chewed through the headlight wiring in his car, which cost more than $180 to replace.

Murder: Avoid Saying Nothing

Like in the first of these two grafs:

Nina Cortez is a book keeper at the restaurant and has worked there for seven years.

She said she arrived at the inn around 9 a.m. and entered the building with her key to the employee entrance in the back.

The first sentence is what I call an empty sentence: it doesn't say anything of reader value. It identifies someone but doesn't say what they have to say. It attribution without something to attribute.

But I know what you're trying to do: you're detailing who the person is to justify their relevance in the following graf. I'd fix this by simply merging these two grafs, like this:

Nina Cortez, a book keeper at the restaurant who has worked there for seven years, said she arrived at the inn around 9 a.m. and entered the building with her key to the employee entrance in the back.

Now, there's no empty sentence.

Controversial: Good Story Structure

Let's take a look at this lede/but graf/body grouping.

The East Lansing School Board unanimously voted Tuesday night to ban boys from playing on girls' teams, after concerns were raised that male athletes could pose a hazard for female players.

The policy, which will take effect immediately, was implemented after four boys made the East Lansing High School girls' field hockey team. Many teams from opposing schools forfeited their games in order to avoid the possibility of their players being injured by the male athletes.

After receiving complaints in home and away districts, school board member Jane Tribitt said she decided it was time for a policy change.

"The boys are just too big and physical and it intimidates the girls on the team," Tribitt said. "It is a matter of safety."

Senior Jacob Stevens, who played on the field hockey team, said he thinks the policy is unfair and while he was on the team, none of the girls complained about his presence, he said.

East Lansing High School Athletic Director Hugh Baker said he believes the policy will hurt the school's athletics program, because the school would have to forfeit games against teams with male players due to safety concerns.

"It would be unfair to force our field hockey team to have a losing record every year because it has to forfeit all those games," Baker said.

East Lansing resident Sandra Adler, who has a daughter on the field hockey team, is in favor of the new policy.

"I just don't think it's healthy mentally or physically to have the boys and girls playing on the same team," Adler said.

First, you have a nice lede that says what happened (boys were banned), when it happened (Tuesday), who did the decision making (the board) and who is going to be affected (boys), and why it was made (safety concerns).

 Then the nut graf expands on that: it says exactly when the decision takes effect (immediately), and exactly why it was made (after four boys were on the team, and it forced other schools to forfeit games).

It mines a second layer of supporting info that is helpful for the reader to have to make sense of what happened.

Then, once the lede and nut graf is established, you get into the he-said and she-said and quotes and the supporting evidence that lays down what your lede concluded and your nut graf expanded upon.

You start with getting a paraphrase from a board member -- a decision-maker on this issue -- on why she voted yes; then you pair it with a related quote.

Then, you get an opposing viewpoint -- that from an affected player -- and pair that with a related quote.

Then, you get the perspective of someone caught in the middle -- the athletic director, who opposes the policy but is responsible for enforcing it -- followed by a related quote.  

Then, you wrap it up with an outside but relevant viewpoint; that of a parent of a athlete. And you also pair it with a related quote.

So you have a lede that meets the Peanut Barrel rule; a nut graf that helps expand on the lede and provide a pivot into the greater story; and then information sets in descending order of criticality to the story, each paired with quotes.

What do you think of the job done here?

Controversial: Break Up Those Grafs!

In journalism, we generally try to write in very short paragraphs. What we try to do is limit a paragraph to one main idea OR one supporting idea OR one fact to support an idea. Not all of the above.

In general, that means many paragraphs will be just one or two sentences; the exact opposite of English comp writing styles that encourage massive paragraphs.

Let's look at this example of a mega-graf that can easily be cut up:

High school athletic director Hugh Baker told the board, “If safety is the issue of concern for the board, then our girls teams would have forfeit games if there are boys on the opposing teams." Last year alone the team would have had to forfeit 10 of the 18 games, therefore creating a losing record every year. Many think its very unfair, including Jacob Stevens. Stevens, a senior at ELHS said, “I don’t think it is fair. There are countries in the world where men’s field hockey is a recognized sport. Not every guy wants to play football, basketball, or baseball." Stevens was really looking forward to playing on the team his senior year.

Now, each unit of thought and each unit of supporting information has its own graf. It's easier for readers to pick out each independent thought or supporting fact. It's easier for editors to identify key points and supporting info, and find where such facts and info are lacking.

Okay, this single graf contains several elements: the first sentence is a quote from one source. The second sentence is a fact that provides evidence to support the quote's position. The third and fourth introduce and allow a quote from a second source. The final sentence offers a new level of detail that helps build upon the quote.

So, you can break this graf up into four separate grafs, like this:

High school athletic director Hugh Baker, told the board, “If safety is the issue of concern for the board, then our girls teams would have forfeit games if there are boys on the opposing teams."

Last year alone the team would have had to forfeit 10 of the 18 games, therefore creating a losing record every year.

Many think its very unfair, including Jacob Stevens. Stevens, a senior at ELHS said, “I don’t think it is fair. There are countries in the world where men’s field hockey is a recognized sport. Not every guy wants to play football, basketball, or baseball."

Stevens was really looking forward to playing on the team his senior year.

Now, each unit of thought or supporting bit of evidence has its own graf. Now, it's easier for readers to identify each key point, in the same way an outline allows readers to visualize key points in a text-heavy draft. Now, it's easier for editors to identify key points, or the lack thereof.

I know it's gonna look weird, given years and years of bad English comp habits that you've picked up. But this is how we write in journalism. It's a more practical style for writers, editors and readers.

And FYI, if you see on your graded assignments that I wrote an L-shaped symbol at the start of a sentence, that is the copy-editing symbol for starting a new graf.

JRN 200: The Body Of A News Story

The most basic story structures are very specific in style yet simple in design. So let's look an imaginary story done in a basic news style, starting with what you already know -- the lede:

School was canceled forever today after a 43-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

The lede is usually followed by what is called the nut graf. The role of that paragraph is to elaborate and expand upon the details of the lede.

Consider the general identifiers posed in the lede: an unnamed instructor, an unnamed school, an unspecified big-money lottery ect. Try to follow up on those generalities with specifics in the nut graf, like this:

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

In journalism, we try to keep paragraphs fairly short -- usually limited to one main point or idea per graf, and/or one or two sentences per graf. In this case, I thought the nut graf was running a bit long, so I split it into two grafs.

We try to keep paragraphs short and specific for two big reasons: one, to make it easy for the reader to identify key points and specific quotes and such; and two, to make it easy for editors to do the same so they can more quickly edit the story by easily finding what may be worth emphasis or cutting out.

The point after the nut graf is a great place to consider putting in a telling quote; something that goes to the heart of the story's theme or context or ultimate meaning. Something like this:

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

At this point, the lede/nut graf/key quote package creates sort of a mini-story. In the same way the lede gives you the bare minimum of what you need to know about the story, this grouping of grafs gives readers the minimum amount of information AND supporting detail and evidence.

From this point on, you have a couple of options: you can add more supporting facts and quotes, in descending order of importance. This is called the inverted pyramid style of story organization. You start with the most important piece of background, then the next most important, and so on. Like with short paragraphs, it allows for faster reading and editing. Like this:

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

Notice how pieces of telling information are paired up with quotes supporting, amplifying and humanizing that raw data. It's not necessary that every graf of info is followed by a related quote, but it does help in reinforcing the points that are made throughout a story.

Also, please note attribution is liberally used throughout the story, in every graf after the lede. That's for the benefit of readers, who get to see exactly where you get each bit of information that supports the original claim you make in your lede. Not only are you transparent, but you essentially rely on the expertise of your sources by citing them, building your credibility.

Another approach is to offer a chronological telling, looking at things from the start. It's important that you weigh the facts you have and the context of the story to decide if an inverted pyramid, chronology or some other method best tells the story. Like this:

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

And that's it. Notice how the story seems to end sort of abruptly. Looks weird, right? Well, in journalism that's okay is your story lacks what writers call a satisfying ending. Why is this okay? Because you already have an ending: your lede.

Now that we looked at these two structures in pieces, let's put it all together and look at the pieces as stories. First, the inverted pyramid:

School was canceled forever today after a 43-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

*****

Now, the chronological style:

*****

School was canceled forever today after a 43-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

Now, which is the best structure to use: inverted pyramid or chronology? Again, it depends on what best tells the story.

If you're writing about something complex where impact and meaning doesn't necessarily happen in sequence -- like a tuition increase or comparing on-campus and off-campus housing -- then structuring things based on an analyzed importance may be the way to go.

But of the story you're looking into naturally and dramatically unfolds in order -- like a bank robbery or 9/11 -- then a chronology probably works best.

A lot of it depends on what kind of facts you dig up while reporting. Note in each approach, some facts get greater or lesser emphasis, and some facts get entirely left out. You should think about which approach best uses the most important, relevant, interesting and useful facts. Whichever does is probably the highest and best approach to take.

Let me be clear, though: these are NOT the only two story structure options you have. As you've read in the book and probably noticed in your newspaper readings, there are endless ways to write ledes and detail nut grafs and add quotes and cascade facts throughout a story.

You're first and foremost looking for the best way to tell a story, based on what makes meaning and context and accuracy clear and easy to follow.

These are just two basic ways to do that. Master this, and then start practicing other ways.

Meeting: Ledeing A Subsection

With subsections of stories, you want to lede with the end result first, just like with a lede.

What some of you did, though, was lede a subsection with something like, something was discussed, and then ended the subsection with the end result, like the board approved the plan.

What you wanted to do was start the subsection with, something was approved by the board, and then detailed what the proposal was and what discussions took place.

So let's look at a hypothetical subsection done right, and wrong. First, the wrong:

In other business, the board discussed creationism vs. evolution in textbooks. The current books feature evolution.

"The current books suck. I didn't come from no monkey," said parent Omar Sofradzija.

Said parent Lindsay Lohan: "Thaat's scientific fact. Omar is an idiot."

In the end, the board voted 10-0 to keep the current books.

Now, the right way to do it:

In other business, the board voted 10-0 to keep current textbooks that teach evolution. Some parents had argued for a switch to the teaching of creationism.


"The current books suck. I didn't come from no monkey," said parent Omar Sofradzija.


Said parent Lindsay Lohan: "That's scientific fact. Omar is an idiot."


See the difference? In the latter version, we know right away at the start of the subsection what was the end result. Just like a lede. Think of subsections as mini-stories, and look for the mini-story lede to go to end result and ultimate outcome.

Robbery: A Decent Example ...

... of what a properly-sourced story with a good lede looked like, via one of youze.

It lacks a true nut graf -- which would have more conclusively detailed end result, including Layoux's eventual firing -- but the grafs right after the lede sufficiently answer questions created by the lede, such as who was the clerk and who was the robber and where it happened.

And the story also lacks offering a specific address and time the robbery took place.

Still, it is a very strong lede that goes to a minimal end result and ultimate outcome -- what happened at the robbery -- and very good story flow, use of quotes and proper source attribution.

It's a decent example to look at and consider against your own work. Here we go:

An attempted robbery of a convenience store on East Forest Boulevard ended with bloodshed last night after the clerk shot the attempted robber, according to the clerk and Meridian Township Police.

Michael Ernest Layoux, a 22-year-old Lansing Community College student, was working the night shift at O-Mart as a clerk when a man pulled a gun on him, Layoux said.

Layoux said the robber – identified by police as Robert A. Wiess of 2032 Turf Way – asked for a
pack of cigarettes and then showed Layoux his gun.

Wiess kept his gun near his hip so no one outside the store could see what he was holding, Layoux said. 

The robber received only the money that was in the register, which was around $20, Layoux said. 

Violating a company policy, Layoux said he kept a gun on him at work, waited for an opportune moment and then shot the robber with his .25 caliber pistol.

“I shot him three times in the chest and side, but I didn’t know right away that I hit him,” Layoux said. “He just ran through the front door. He didn’t even open it. He ran right through the glass.”

Police said Wiess’ body was found in a field near the O-Mart. 

Ingham County District Attorney Ramone Hernandez said that he believes Layoux acted in self-defense and Layoux won’t be facing any charges.

Layoux did face a penalty for his actions, however.

Layoux said he received a phone call from his district manager this morning, who fired Layoux because it’s against company policy to carry a gun in the store.

Layoux said that convenience stores in Haslett that are opened 24 hours are dangerous, which is why he decided to bring a gun to work. 

“We’re open 24 hours, and the store has a history of holdups, particularly at night when there aren’t any customers in the store,” Layoux said.

Layoux said that he had been attending classes during the day and working at night to pay for school at LCC.

O-Mart officials declined to comment on the incident.

Controversial: A Good Lede/Nut Graf/Body Sequence

Let's take a look at this lede/but graf/body grouping.

The East Lansing School Board unanimously voted Tuesday night to ban boys from playing on girls' teams, after concerns were raised that male athletes could pose a hazard for female players.

The policy, which will take effect immediately, was implemented after four boys made the East Lansing High School girls' field hockey team. Many teams from opposing schools forfeited their games in order to avoid the possibility of their players being injured by the male athletes.

After receiving complaints in home and away districts, school board member Jane Tribitt decided it was time for a policy change.

"The boys are just too big and physical and it intimidates the girls on the team," Tribitt said. "It is a matter of safety."

Senior Jacob Stevens, who played on the field hockey team, thinks the policy is unfair and while he was on the team, none of the girls complained about his presence, he said.

East Lansing High School Athletic Director Hugh Baker said he believes the policy will hurt the school's athletics program, because the school would have to forfeit games against teams with male players due to safety concerns.

"It would be unfair to force our field hockey team to have a losing record every year because it has to forfeit all those games," Baker said.

East Lansing resident Sandra Adler, who has a daughter on the field hockey team, is in favor of the new policy.

"I just don't think it's healthy mentally or physically to have the boys and girls playing on the same team," Adler said.

First, you have a nice lede that says what happened (boys were banned), when it happened (Tuesday), who did the decision making (the board) and who is going to be affected (boys), and why it was made (safety concerns).

 Then the nut graf expands on that: it says exactly when the decision takes effect (immediately), and exactly why it was made (after four boys were on the team, and it forced other schools to forfeit games).

It mines a second layer of supporting info that is helpful for the reader to have to make sense of what happened.

Then, once the lede and nut graf is established, you get into the he-said and she-said and quotes and the supporting evidence that lays down what your lede concluded and your nut graf expanded upon.

You start with getting a paraphrase from a board member -- a decision-maker on this issue -- on why she voted yes; then you pair it with a related quote.

Then, you get an opposing viewpoint -- that from an affected player -- and pair that with a related quote.

Then, you get the perspective of someone caught in the middle -- the athletic director, who opposes the policy but is responsible for enforcing it -- followed by a related quote.  

Then, you wrap it up with an outside but relevant viewpoint; that of a parent of a athlete. And you also pair it with a related quote.

So you have a lede that meets the Peanut Barrel rule; a nut graf that helps expand on the lede and provide a pivot into the greater story; and then information sets in descending order of criticality to the story, each paired with quotes.

What do you think of the job done here?

Controversial: Break Up Those Grafs!

In journalism, we generally try to write in very short paragraphs. What we try to do is limit a paragraph to one main idea OR one supporting idea OR one fact to support an idea. Not all of the above.

In general, that means many paragraphs will be just one or two sentences; the exact opposite of English comp writing styles that encourage massive paragraphs.

Let's look at this example of a mega-graf that can easily be cut up:

High school athletic director Hugh Baker told the board, “If safety is the issue of concern for the board, then our girls teams would have forfeit games if there are boys on the opposing teams." Last year alone the team would have had to forfeit 10 of the 18 games, therefore creating a losing record every year. Many think its very unfair, including Jacob Stevens. Stevens, a senior at ELHS said, “I don’t think it is fair. There are countries in the world where men’s field hockey is a recognized sport. Not every guy wants to play football, basketball, or baseball." Stevens was really looking forward to playing on the team his senior year.

Now, each unit of thought and each unit of supporting information has its own graf. It's easier for readers to pick out each independent thought or supporting fact. It's easier for editors to identify key points and supporting info, and find where such facts and info are lacking.

Okay, this single graf contains several elements: the first sentence is a quote from one source. The second sentence is a fact that provides evidence to support the quote's position. The third and fourth introduce and allow a quote from a second source. The final sentence offers a new level of detail that helps build upon the quote.

So, you can break this graf up into four separate grafs, like this:

High school athletic director Hugh Baker, told the board, “If safety is the issue of concern for the board, then our girls teams would have forfeit games if there are boys on the opposing teams."

Last year alone the team would have had to forfeit 10 of the 18 games, therefore creating a losing record every year.

Many think its very unfair, including Jacob Stevens. Stevens, a senior at ELHS said, “I don’t think it is fair. There are countries in the world where men’s field hockey is a recognized sport. Not every guy wants to play football, basketball, or baseball."

Stevens was really looking forward to playing on the team his senior year.

Now, each unit of thought or supporting bit of evidence has its own graf. Now, it's easier for readers to identify each key point, in the same way an outline allows readers to visualize key points in a text-heavy draft. Now, it's easier for editors to identify key points, or the lack thereof.

I know it's gonna look weird, given years and years of bad English comp habits that you've picked up. But this is how we write in journalism. It's a more practical style for writers, editors and readers.

And FYI, if you see on your graded assignments that I wrote an L-shaped symbol at the start of a sentence, that is the copy-editing symbol for starting a new graf.

Controversial: How Do You Know ...

... that the athletic director disagreed with the move? Could you read his brain?

No. You know that because he said that.

So, you need to say that the athletic director said he disagreed with the policy.

How do you know the boy field hockey player was disappointed? Did he write you a note?

No. You know because he said that, too.

So you need to say the boy field hockey player said he was disappointed.

Controversial: It's SAID

It's not so-and-so explained. It's so-and-so said.

It's not so-and-so commented. It's so-and-so said.

It's not so-and-so continued. It's so-and-so said.

It's not so-and-so described or told or stated or exclaimed.

It's so-and-so said. No need to find another word saying the same thing.