Speech: Great Job, But ...

One of you guys had a story that I though was rolling in awesome fashion. Great lede that hit the main point, a great nut graf that detailed the lede, a great telling quote, great subsections that offered a fact and then followed with a supporting quote, ect. Here's how it started:

Halloween is a very fun time of year for many children across the country filled with costumes, candy, and -- according to the surgeon general -- too much alcohol.

At yesterday evening’s PTA convention in East Lansing, Surgeon General Tom Izzo spoke out against the alcohol abuse problem in America, and the effect it has on children, especially around Halloween.
 
“Alcohol is the number one substance abuse problem among America’s youth. In fact, it is the only drug whose use has not been declining, according to our most recent National High School Senior Survey,” said Izzo.

Izzo said he believes alcohol industries are now trying to use Halloween, a traditional holiday for children, as a new marketing opportunity.

“They are saying: ‘It’s Halloween, it’s time to celebrate, it’s time for a drink!’ Beer companies offer free Halloween t-shirts, bat sunglasses, and glowing cups,” said Izzo.

Izzo said the problem goes far beyond around commercials around Halloween and has a major impact on many young lives.

“What I say is scary is the possibility of increased carnage on our highways, the real specter of more binge drinking by our young people, and the absolute reality of those smaller, less dramatic cases of health and emotional problems caused by alcohol consumption,” said Izzo.

But then we got to this subsection:

Izzo also said that binge drinking, which is promoted by advertisers, encourages not only college students but youths all the way down to the eighth grade.

 
“Some of these Halloween ads encourage the purchase of 12- or 24-packs of beer, and who will drink all that beer? Forty-three percent of college students, 35 percent of our high school seniors and 26 percent of eighth-grade students have had five or more drinks in a row during the past two weeks. And beer and wind coolers are their favorite alcoholic beverages,” said Izzo.

Yes, wind coolers, when we meant to say wine coolers.

Sometimes, the difference between consideration for a 4.0 and getting a 1.0 is just one word. Getting a fatal is like playing a game of all-time in a playoff loss; the only thing that matters is the final score, and not how you played. Not because you didn't play great, but because the point of playing was to win the game.

And in journalism, the point isn't simply to write a great story; it's to get it right.