Wednesday, February 2, 2011

City Ledes -- Emphasize The News

What is the news; what happened or who said it? Usually, it's the former.

So while this lede isn't wrong, I think it can be improved upon:

The Institute of Highway Safety found 16-year-old boys continue to top the charts for risky driving, but 16-year-old girls are closing the gap.

Putting the source first results in a lag in getting to the heart of why this matters; e.g., what researchers found. So I'd flip the sequencing of this lede to put the source behind the finding, like this:

Sixteen-year-old boys continue to top the charts for risky driving, but 16-year-old girls are closing the gap, the Institute of Highway Safety found.

I'm using the EXACT SAME WORDS AND PHRASES you did.I'm just rearranging the order. See how it does a better job of emphasizing final result and ultimate outcome, though?

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