Direct and to the point, but context is clear:
A man speeding to church for his wedding this morning was killed after losing control of his car.
. . . and . . .
A 22-year-old man was killed today in a car accident, only 15 minutes before he was to marry.
An emphasis on why something is happening, and enough details to know how:
In order to ease the city's financial burden, the jail is installing a new policy that charges criminals a $25 fee for the cost of booking them.
. . . and . . .
In an effort to save the city money, arrestees will now be charged $25 to get their mug shots and fingerprints taken.
. . . and . . .
Criminals are now expected to dish out $25 for their mug shot and fingerprints to trim city expenses, according to police Chief Barry Kopperrud.
(Plus, the latter one had attribution!)
These two had context emphasized by nice writing. Writing with a flourish isn't necessary right now, but as you grow in experience I'd like you to find the right words that are true to the facts and set the right tone, like these:
Instead of wedding bells, sirens were heard this morning after a 22-year-old man was killed in a car accident that occurred down the road from the church he was to be married at only minutes later.
. . . and in this delayed lede . . .
In East Lansing, crime does pay -- in a new way.
City officials are now requiring arrestees to pay a $25 fee to cover the costs of the booking process in an effort to cut down expenses and further hold criminals accountable for their actions.
This delayed lede would need to be followed by a nut graf that answers the question. If so, then I liked it:
A car was stolen today and the location revealed by the car thief. What would cause him to do that?
The only issue I have here is the use of "car." A car was not stolen; it was a van. If I were in a crabbier mood, I'd say this was a fatal. Be sure you use the correct words.
Still, nice work!
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