Speech: The News Is The News!

Make sure you state not just that something took place, but what it was precisely that took place. This otherw0ise-solid lede did not:

U.S. Surgeon General Tom Izzo spoke at a Michigan PTA convention in Detroit on Sunday evening about the issue of alcohol consumption among adolescents.

The problem here is you don't know what he said. Did he say he thought it was bad or great? That he thought it was awful? Or that he encourages all kids to get blotto?

You simply don't know based on what you offer. This next lede was much clearer:

U.S. Surgeon General Tom Izzo criticized the alcohol industry for targeting Halloween as their latest marketing opportunity at the Michigan PAT convention in Detroit Sunday.

Note how it doesn't just say Izzo spoke about the alcohol industry; it says he criticized it. Correctly finding and using such a word to describe the contents of what he said is teh difference between a vague lede and an exact one.

Finally, just for the hell of it, let's look at what I thought was a very nice lede/nut graf/telling quote combo:

U.S. Surgeon General Tom Izzo delivered a passionate speech condemning the alcohol industry’s target of the traditional children’s holiday, Halloween, at the Michigan Parent Teacher Association meeting in Detroit last night.

In the speech, Izzo shared his concern of the alcohol industry’s festive marketing techniques this year and how it’s association with Halloween is promoting dangerous alcohol consumption among youth.

“This year the alcohol industry has given new meaning to those innocent words of childhood. They are serving up new treats –and new tricks,” said Izzo.

So much to like here. First, a specific lede that I think fairly uses the work passionate. That word isn't based on your opinion; rather, it's based on your viewing his words in whole through conventional wisdom and factual basis. His argument had an edge to it, right? So, you're not offering an opinion, but an analysis.

That's the difference. An opinion is based on your feelings. Analysis is based on your reasonable interpretation of facts.

Second, the nut graf expands upon the lede. The lede says Izzo condemned the alcohol industry; the nut graf says how and why -- because of its marketing that promotes kids drinking.

Finally, you bring things full circle with your telling quote, so that readers don't have to take your word for it that Izzo was passionate and condemning -- you show the reader Izzo's words.

Nice work. It's no accident the latter story received the highest grade I've handed out on a practice story sofar this term.